It never turns out like I think it will.

During this past springtime, I was pretty torn about leaving my beautiful California. I was excited to move to Virginia and experience something new, but I was terrified at the thought of actually leaving and being away for months at a time. I was excited at the thought of snow and the change of seasons, but also was worried that I would freeze. Some days I would be pumped, and others I would cry and ask myself what I was thinking in the first place. I especially remember one windy day when I got a bit lost driving along the coast. I was headed north and coming down the hill to be greeted by the ocean and outskirts of San Francisco. I had the music on and was singing along. I was just mesmerized by this beautiful place I live in and wondered why I was leaving in the first place. And how I was going to leave Marly. Four years is a lot in a little dog's life. I was going to leave and he'd wait by the door, thinking I had just gone out for a bit like always. And then I wouldn't come back. He would think I didn't love him anymore and wonder what he did wrong. Gosh I couldn't bear leaving him. It may sound silly, but he really is my best friend. Always there to make me smile, and I sleep best when he is wrapped in my arms. 

And then Virginia didn't work out. I really believe that there is a reason for everything and that God has a plan for me and my life. He will do great things with me. Though lately I have been wondering what I am doing with my life now that all my plans have been trashed, I take comfort in knowing that I don't have to have it all figured out right now. For now, all I know is that I am glad that I did not go to Virginia. I don't know how I would have said good-bye to everyone I love.

Apparently my story here is not over. There are more people I am supposed to meet, places to go, things to see, and days with my dog to be had. And I'm just fine with that.
Katherine said...

moving is hard, and sometimes i wish i had made the decision either not to move or to move with my husband. decisions freak me out a lot, and i feel like i made the right 'big girl' decision, but i still see the negatives more at times. i believe things happen for a reason, and it sometimes still gets hard when you cant see what that reason is.

these photos are adorable. i love seeing my dogs roll around like crazy. it's adorable

Jess said...

Katherine, thank you for all of your lovely and thoughtful comments! They really make me happy :) Yes, moving is terribly hard! It must be so difficult to live separately from your husband, but at least it is just temporary. I'm sure you did make the right decision because you are getting to experience new things and the distance can only make your marriage stronger. You guys are a great team!