The 1am Rambles

life So, I'm not really sure how to start something like this, but I guess I just have to start somewhere. Here's the thing: I've been having a hard time lately. I wouldn't say that it is about the new things happening in my life, like living on my own for the first time and all the changes that come with it. Maybe that has a little to do with it, but I think I'm actually doing really well with all of that right now. What I am having a hard time with, though, is the idea of life in general.

For some reason, thoughts of my life span and mortality have been constantly looming at the back of my mind for the past couple weeks. I don't really know what triggered it, but I just can't let these things go or turn these thoughts off. The night time is the worst, and I find myself panicking a bit when I am driving or laying in bed. I have a hard time falling asleep, which is why I am sitting here typing away in the middle of the night. I also really hate being alone in the evenings and have probably been leaning on Dai a little too much because of it (for the record, he is a great sport about is and is so comforting). All of this is just so overwhelming to think about and honestly just scares me so much. I am afraid of life and moments passing me by so quickly, and of being alone later in life and of all the people I know and love passing. It is really just too much for me to handle and I'm not sure how to turn all of these thoughts off.

I hear that some of this is normal, that these things cross people's minds at times. What I am concerned about though is that I am finding that these thoughts are preventing me from enjoying my life in the moment. I am experiencing things, but somewhere in the back of my mind I am thinking about how one day I won't be here to do these things again or how quickly time will/is passing. Honestly, it is driving me crazy and I really don't know how much longer I can handle all of this. I think I have decided it is time to talk to a professional about what I am experiencing hopeful relieve this anxiety.

I know that this is all very, well, depressing and not necessarily in the realm of things I tend to write about here, but I do believe in honesty and feel that I wouldn't be doing this space justice if I didn't write about the good and the bad. I also just hoped that by writing my thoughts down, I could somehow release all of these feelings so they were no longer trapped inside of me. And, really, writing is the only way I know how to organize my thoughts.

Thank you to those of you who read this post all the way through. You're all really swell. I'll be back more cheerfully soon. xoxo.


A Happy List // 5

+ Gilmore Girls on Netflix, even though I already own all the seasons on DVD.
+ All things pumpkin, duh.
+ Puppy cuddles.
+ Dai in his adventuring hat.
+ The cold ocean water on my feet.
+ Ice cream dates.
+ A new month!

+ Finally getting over a cold.
+ Girl time & sleepovers.
+ Saturdays at the farmer's market.
+ Beach hike in October.
+ Weekends with no plans whatsoever.

What's on your current 'happy list'?

I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend!


Adventures with Danica

danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge
Over Labor Day weekend (which was already a month ago, WOW), I had the pleasure of finally meeting the beautiful brunette to my right in person! Miss Danica of the blog Dust Particles (formerly Love, Danica) lives in southern CA and happens to visit the Bay Area every year around this time. I remember first coming into contact with Danica when she left a comment on one of my posts this past winter/spring and we have followed each other's blogs ever since! We talked for months about meeting during her annual trip up north and I was really happy that we were able to make it happen :)danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge
After whisking her away from her sweet husband who drove her all the way into the city to meet me instead of having her take the train all alone, we started things off how every friend date should start in my opinion: with coffee. Dai told me about this cute little place called Front Cafe in Potrero Hill and Danica seemed like the perfect special person to share it with. I got a simple cold brew, while Danica got a drink that had a nice big scoop of vanilla ice cream in it. I definitely know what I'm getting next time! Also, the drinks came in mason jars, so obviously I was sold on the place.danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridgedanica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge
After we finished up our coffee, we decided to head out near the Embarcadero and wander around the Ferry Building. We parked the car and walked along the water towards downtown, snapping photos and chatting as we went. It was sunny, warm, clear, and not too windy. We really couldn't have asked for nicer weather! We got a lunch of cheese toasties from Cowgirl Creamery in the Ferry Building and sat outside by the water to enjoy it. danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge
When we were finished, we made our way up Market Street a bit before deciding to ride the cable cars! Danica had never had the pleasure of riding them, so we figured why not? It was a fun and rather crowded ride the first leg of our trip, and then on the return trip the cable car decided to break down right in the middle of an intersection! No joke. The driver ended up being able to move us out of the intersection, but we were stuck there for a good 30+ minutes. After a while, all but three riders decided to walk it instead of waiting for the cable car to start running again. Just as we were about to do the same, it thankfully started back up and we were able to finish our ride.
danica, summer, blogging friends, adventure, sf, cable cars, golden gate bridge
After that interesting adventure, it was time to start making our way to meet Danica's husband, Stephen. He kindly let us change the plans a bit to meet him in a city across the Golden Gate Bridge so that Danica and I could have the memory of driving across it together. I really wish I had photos of this because it was so beautiful! I have been over the bridge countless times, but it really never gets old to me, especially on a clear, sunny day when you can see the entire bay and the water is glittering blue.

We got caught in tons of traffic, of course, because it was a beautiful holiday weekend in the city and we were panicking just a little because we were super late to meet Stephen, but he was the most patient man I think I had ever met. Just so sweet! So very understanding and really just wanted Danica to have a great time, even if it meant he had to sit in a coffee shop and wait for her for an hour. Claps to him! He has really earned my respect by taking such good care of his lady :)

I guess to sum this all up: I love Danica and can't wait until we meet again! It has been quite a while since I have met another gal pal who I click with so much. I felt like she really understood me and that we could relate to each other in so many ways! I think I just may have found myself a new BFF!

It is really a bummer that she lives in southern CA, but luckily Dai and I will be down there at the end of this month and we are already planning to see each other :) We are also going to try to have our guys meet since it turns out that they are both baseball fanatics. Double date! Yay! And of course you know I'll be documenting all of our adventures together for the blog ;)

Here's to more blogging friends! How lucky am I to have gotten to meet two blogging friends within one month?!

P.S. I just can't get over how much I love that first photo of us! It's just perfect!


New Month // October Goals

October Goals
October! How are we here already? These months keep on flying by. I am pretty happy to be here though, I must say. I think that this month is going to be a good one. Things are a little busy with school, but my classes are pushing my creativity and I think that positive energy will spill over to my blogging life as well. We have a trip planned for the end of the month to attend a wedding and some fun things sprinkled in between. Plus, it is officially fall and what's not to love about that?!

Here's a recap of last month's goals and some goals for this month!
+ 30 Day Smoothie Challenge
I will admit, I did not make a smoothie every single day, but I did make them pretty often and am happy that I added that nutrition into my diet :)

+ Start my new job!
Check! I'm in my third week and things are going really well. I'm so much happier in this area of my life than I was just a month ago!

+ Create a budget.
Completed! I'm feeling pretty good about this and actually kind of responsible ;)

+ Consistently spend time reading/commenting on other blogs.
I really wish I did more of this! I'm still working at it, but I have been consistently reading blogs again like I used to. Now I just need to set aside the time to leave comments! 

+ Get back to blogging!
Still working on this one, but I have a pretty great month planned ahead!

+ Resume outfit photos!
I did one outfit post in September, but I've been inspired to do more and I think I have Dai on board to help me out with this again, so look out for more of those this month :)

+ Work out at least 2x per week.
Guys, this is something I am suuuuper awful at. I just don't make the time for it and then instead make excuses. Dai and I have both been wanting to be more consistently active and get our booties into shape. It is never too late and we should definitely start now! So, I'm gonna go ahead and give myself the realistic goal of working out at least 2x per week to start with.

+ Treat myself to a few new pieces of jewelry.
It's a new season and I would love to add a few new jewelry pieces to spice up my collection! Helloooo Forever 21 haha.

+ Drink 1L of water per day.
I love water, but I have noticed that I haven't been drinking as much as I should lately, so it is time to get back in the habit of that.

+ Spend time with family.
My family is very important to me and now that we are all a little more spread out we don't spend much time together. I would like to make an effort to do more of that this month!

+ Send a friend something in the mail.
It is always nice to get fun things in the mail and I always think about sending people things, but rarely do. Well, that changes this month!

What are your goals for this month?


Outfit // Falling into Fall

fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots
Here we are again, another Monday, another week... As far as Mondays go, this has actually been a pretty good one since I stayed home sick and Dai only worked a half day. We had more hours in the day to play hooky together and even got to sneak out for a coffee date :)fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots
I originally planned to shoot these photos on Saturday evening, but after I got all prepped and dolled up, I discovered I had a high fever. So, those plans were nixed pretty quickly in favor of an evening with NyQuil and Netflix instead. I spent most of Sunday resting, but did make it out for a little trip to Golden Gate Park with Marly to see Dai play in a baseball tournament and quickly snap these photos. For a sick person, I think I look alright ;)fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots
It has been a while since my last outfit post, but I am so excited about this new change of season in life and weather. I get bored with summer outfits, so I welcome fall with open arms! Layers, layers, and more layers! And boots! And all the good colors! My favorites. fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots
I fell in love with this skirt over the summer and wanted to find a way to transition it into fall wear as well. I decided to pair it with these ankle boots I recently snagged to replace a pair that had been ruined, and with a chambray button-up that I also recently purchased to replace one that I lost somewhere in Japan. I have always loved the look of statement necklaces worn over a button up, so I gave it a whirl for the first time! Also, I think my Madewell bag's best season is fall, although let's be honest, this bag is fabulous any time of year.fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots fall, outfit, ootd, style, chambray, skirt, madewell, boots
Speaking of fall, I think it becomes more apparent every year that I am simply in love with it. I don't know what it is, but fall just makes me feel warm, cozy, and happy. There's just something about it! I am pretty hopeful that this new season will be filled with adventure, relaxation, creativity, and a lot of blogging :)

Top // Ann Taylor Loft
Skirt // H&M
Shoes // Crowne Vintage via DSW
Necklace // Forever 21
Bag // Madewell


New Month // September Goals

Hellooooo September! This new month feels so good to me. This summer was very strange and I feel like I am now able to settle into my "new normal." I am ready for a fresh start with things across the board.

Here is a review of last month's goals and my new ones for this month!

+ Pack up & move.
Done & done! I'm gonna go ahead and be really honest here: this was so stressful and exhausting. My dad was even so burnt out and said, "I've moved countless times before, but this one is just the worst move ever..." So basically that sums it up haha but we made it through!

+ Start school off on the right foot.
So far so good! I'm just starting my fourth week already... I really enjoy my classes and my teachers. It also has been the least stressful semester so far, which is good since I think I've earned a little break ;)

+ Wash car exterior.
My dad sprayed it off with a hose... Good enough, right?

+ Get into the habit of flossing.
It was so funny how everyone commented about this random thing on my list, but it was good to know that I wasn't the only one failing at this! That motivation actually helped and I did really well with this silly goal.

+ Get back to blogging!
I'm actually super bummed that I didn't do so well at this one, but I'm gonna go ahead and give myself a free pass. There were more urgent things going on, unfortunately...

+ 30 Day Smoothie Challenge
This is just something that I came up with when I was looking at my September calendar and was like "hey, there's 30 days in September... I should do a challenge!" So here we are... I also fell out of habit of using my Nutribullet and wanted to get that going again. It has been really great so far! The green smoothies I make are pretty yummy and I just feel better when I have one each day. Maybe this is something I will post more about if there's interest? Or something we could all join in together on and do another month?

+ Start my new job!
Praise the Lord, I have found another job as a nanny! That means no more late nights and weekends at the restaurant! That was one of the hardest parts (besides the hefty pay cut...) because I have realized that I am the kind of person who needs the structure of a set work schedule to maintain some sanity in my busy life. This is seriously such a weight lifted off of me! I start next Monday and can't wait!

+ Create a budget.
I have a budgeting sheet that I created a few months ago that really comes in handy (free download!), but I haven't been using it since my income became so sporadic. Now that I have a pretty good idea of what my income will be like each week, I can start using that system again to plan for each month. Gotta be smart with my monies!

+ Consistently spend time reading/commenting on other blogs.
I used to do really well with this, but lately I have barely had the time to write anything for my own blog, let alone read some of my favorites! I feel like I'm missing out on so much that's going on in my blogging friends' lives. Plus, I really believe that spending time reading and commenting on other blogs is such an important aspect of this community!

+ Get back to blogging!
I'm adding this one back on the agenda for this month and am reeeaaallly going to try to do my best to accomplish it! I am feeling like I have a bit more control over things in my life and can kind of resume things as normal again. Woohoo!

+ Resume outfit photos!
While I don't consider myself a fashion blogger, I do like putting together outfits for outfit posts! It is a lot of fun for me and has been surprisingly well-received with readers in the past. So, as long as I can convince Dai to help me, I want start doing these again! Now to finally order some of the things on my ModCloth wishlist.... (I'll add it to the budget ;) )

What are your goals for this month?
Is there anything you would like to see here on the blog?

Have a great week!


Blogtember // About the Author

Hello there! Can you believe it is September already?! School is back in full swing for me, I'm working, and adjusting to the new things in my life. With that, I want to pull my blogging boots back on and get back into the right state of mind with this space. Have you heard of blogger summer burnout? I think that's what happened to me. But, nonetheless, it is a new month, the start of a new school year, and almost a new season, so it is time for a clean start!

I recently discovered Bailey's (of the blog Brave LoveBlogtember Challenge. I decided why not jump back into blogging with some of her prompts throughout the month? I'm a few days behind on this post, but I decided to write it anyway since it is a great place to start. So, here we are with a little post "About the Author!" I thought this was an especially nice post since there are quite a few new faces around here :)
As you may have guessed, that's me, Jess. Or Jessica for long. I have lived in the SF Bay Area for the past eight years and have really come to love it as my home. I currently go to community college and generally work as a nanny (although I did take a little break from that this summer). My major is graphic design/photography and I hope to have my own business one day or just have a creative career in general! I am passionate about adventuring anywhere and everywhere, and hope to do a lot of traveling in my life. I love fashion and sometimes I share bits of my personal style here, even though it is all over the place and I am definitely no expert on the matter. I enjoy wandering around San Francisco, coffee dates, thrifting, and photographing my life. I'm a daddy's girl, love my family above all else, and love spending time with them.

Loves iced coffee, ModCloth, mason jars, blogging, books, a clean room, smoothies, anything salted caramel, reading blogs, boba drinks, Gilmore Girls, taking photos of everything, the beach, Netflix, and speaking with an English accent for no reason. Dislikes homework, getting up early, traffic, most seafood, line cutters, commercials, and working in retail (praise the Lord I don't do that anymore!).
us-hotspring US
For the past three years, I've also shared my life with this guy, Dai (short for Daisuke ["dice-k"] and pronounced like the singular of dice haha). He was born in Japan, but moved here when he was just 2-years-old. We met in a film photography class and started off just as "friends," but it quickly became clear that there was a deeper connection between us and now we are best friends, adventure buddies, and simply put, in love with each other. He loves baseball, Japanese TV shows, fantasy baseball, reading manga, playing baseball, kids and babies, new baseball gear, passion tea lemonade, Sports Center baseball updates, Candy Crush, and baseball. And Jessica hehe. Did I mention baseball yet? Dislikes being late, tomatoes, coconut, root beer, and taking outfit photos.

I will admit, it has been quite the interesting journey being with someone that also has a different culture than my own, but it has made our relationship that much stronger and more dynamic. He loves sharing things about his Japanese world with me, whether it be food, traditions, or silly entertainment, and I love getting to know more about him through these things. We love traveling together and have so far been to Texas, NYC, all over California, and most recently, JAPAN!mar-aboutauthor
Lastly, this is my little fur baby, Marly. He is a 9-year-old 15lb dachshund/chihuahua mix that I adopted from the humane society when he was just under a year old. Aside from Dai, he is my other best friend and adventure buddy. He loves cuddling under the covers, sleeping, stealing human food, playing with/chewing on his blue ball, chasing birds, squirrels, and cats, being brushed, going for car rides, playing at the dog park, watching over the house, and his mama. Dislikes being alone, being moved when he is sleeping, getting his nails clipped, getting a bath, ocean water, lettuce, delivery men, and Huskies (yes, he has a specific breed he doesn't like for some reason!).

Well, I think that is enough about me for today! Hello to all you new readers! It is nice to formally meet you :)

Happy Friday! What are your plans for the weekend?
                                                  Brave Love Blog