Blogtember: Self Portrait

I took a long time to think about how to approach taking this self portrait. I remember the day crystal clear. I was in Brenham, Texas on a warm Saturday afternoon with my aunt, uncle, and baby cousin. The air was thick and moist, and the summer rain followed us through the country roads all day, taunting us here and there.

We stopped into a small café that claimed to have a soda fountain counter (but really didn't because they are liars), and as I recall, was named something that mentioned the word 'heaven,' even though it should have been named hell. Once we had our fill of 'heaven,' we wandered through the small town, weaving our way through quiet antique stores.

We stopped in a small courtyard tucked away on a side street. We commented on the mediocre graffiti that stained the walls, looked at the pretty flowers, and rested on the benches. There was also this big cistern. I had never seen one like this before, and it was interesting to me to stand on its brick edging. It had big, glass windows that met in the middle to come to a triangular point.

After a moment of peering into the mysterious black hole, I noticed something: My reflection looking back at me. And then I noticed how all of the elements were actually really me. The way my dress whipped and flowed around me in the summer wind. The way my hair was pulled back not to bother me. The way the camera was pulled to my face, a position in which I find myself to be truly happy in.  The way my hand cupped the camera lens, bringing it to focus in on these bits of myself. The light rain tapped on my exposed arms, but I was in no hurry and a wave of contentment came over me as I noticed these details about myself that even I had never thought so deeply about. There was no where else I imagined being in this moment.

To me, this photo just says so much about who I am. The way parts of the cistern are in focus, and the way you can see the blurred hem of my dress, and the way the clouds drift across the sky... I don't know. I don't know if I can explain it. It is like I am only exposing half of myself, which is often how I feel. Sometimes I am completely in focus and the deeper parts of myself are clearly seen. And then other times, the surface parts are seen to portray something else, and I... I am slightly blurry.